id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
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I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
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Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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