Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
