How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.