There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
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they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was