dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES