Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
That butt dial turned into a booty call.