I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
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Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag