Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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