hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
