you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
