I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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