I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize