Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
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And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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