she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
My pussy is not your playground.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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