Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
