I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
