Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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