lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
