kristin has been a bad kristin
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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