if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
