ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
