i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
