In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
