She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
