Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
