I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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