Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
