i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
i think im in europe. pls send help
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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