we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
