Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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