2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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