i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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