I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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