Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
