i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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