nut hugger
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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