the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
