True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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