apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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