why didn't you poke me back
My liver just broke up with me...
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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