new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
