I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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