I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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