Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
