EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
