Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
