tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
