Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
