I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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