i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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