I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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