This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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