How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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