I accidentally had phone sex last night
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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