Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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