Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
