i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
