am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize