We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
