No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
