he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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