I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
