So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
