Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
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We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
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Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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