you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
