I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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