Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
