She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Found the puke drawer
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
