Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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