Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
