i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
